ODDS and ENDS: Link established between small penises and sports cars

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British scientists have found the missing link! No, not that one. They’ve found a connection between wanting to own a sports car and having a small penis, according to a new study.

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The study wanted to look into whatever there was anything to “the cliche that a man driving an expensive sports car is compensating for his male inadequacy.”

The study authors said: “We made male participants believe that they had a relatively small or large penis by giving them false information about the average size of other men. They then rated sports cars as more desirable if they felt they had a small penis.”

The experiment also “manipulated self-esteem in different ways and measured ratings for other luxury products, but found no connection,” the study added. “As men aged past 29, the effect of penis size on desire for sports cars grew stronger.”

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Some of the study participants were told the average penis size was seven inches, and others were told it was four inches.

Participants who were told the average penis size was seven inches, and therefore misled, were then more likely to say they desired a sports car, according to the study.

“We found that males, and males over 30 in particular, rated sports cars as more desirable when they were made to feel that they had a small penis,” the scientists said.

The study reportedly has yet to be peer-reviewed.

FOWL ATTACK

Usually people eat chicken, they don’t beat each other up with the animal. But a Minnesota woman went to jail last week for domestic assault after she allegedly smashed her boyfriend in the head with a whole chicken, according to a probable cause statement.

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The victim even reportedly still had “some chicken residue in his hair” when they responded to his 911 call.

The victim told police he was driving home to the residence he shares with Natalie Bruemmer, 36, when he was attacked. The man, who had been at a bar with Bruemmer, said she “was hitting him and spitting in his face” as they were on the way home.

Upon arriving at their residence, the man alleged, Bruemmer “hit him with a whole chicken in the back of his head,” according to police.

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The Smoking Gun reported Bruemmer struggled while being placed under arrest and “began pulling her hands away from the officers requiring multiple attempts” to get her handcuffed. While being escorted from the home, Bruemmer reportedly “continued to yell, attempted to pull her arms away from officers, and she kicked her legs around.”

She was charged with domestic assault and obstructing police.

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MOSCOW BLUES

A Moscow man had a few too many, it would appear.

How else to explain his attempt to try to steal the embalmed body of Vladimir Ilyich Lenin, the founder of the Soviet Union, according to Perthnow.com.

The man reportedly climbed over the barriers in front of the mausoleum on the Red Square last Monday and tried to enter the heavily guarded building outside the Kremlin walls. He was arrested at the entrance, according to the report.

Paramedics diagnosed the man with a mental disorder due to alcoholism, the Russian state news agency TASS reported.

Lenin died in 1924. After the collapse of the Soviet Union, there were attempts to bury Lenin in a normal grave, but the plans were never realized.